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May 2019

Episode 02: Stop comparing yourself to others

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Episode 02: Stop comparing yourself to others

Part 1: Who is Farhat Amin?

Part 2: Do you compare yourself to other Muslim moms? Does it make you feel happier? Stop comparing yourself to others.

Part 3: Sharing a Hadith that has changed my life, for real!

 

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

If you took the strengths of others, and compared them to your weaknesses, how do you think you’d size up? And do you think this would make you feel good?

The funny thing is, this is what most of us do at one time or another — and some of us do pretty often.

It’s a sure-fire recipe for a drop in self-confidence and for unhappiness. It’s also not that useful.

Let’s say I take a look at someone who creates amazing food and really top-notch podcasts on their website … and I look at my cooking and video skills, and realize that I don’t come close to measuring up.

But wait a minute: it’s not a fair comparison. Just because I don’t measure up doesn’t mean I should get out of the blogging business, or that I should get depressed or jealous or resentful. Instead, if I looked at my strengths — writing useful and honest posts — I can see that I have a lot to offer, a lot to be happy about.

And that’s so important — being able to look at your own strengths, and see your true value. It’s actually one of the keys to success, because without this ability, you will be unmotivated, and won’t believe in yourself.

The Effects of Social Comparisons

  • Like I said, it’s usually an unfair comparison to start with. As a result, you’ll always come off bad if you look at someone’s strengths (including what they have, like houses and cars) and your weaknesses.
  • Even if you compare strength to strength, there will always be those who are better, and those who are worse. Where you are on the ladder of accomplishments or purchases has nothing to do with what you want to do.
  • Even if you do well in comparison with others, you may be artificially inflated from this comparison. It’s a short-lived boost of ego if you win the comparison — easily knocked down.
  • You end up resenting others for doing well, without really knowing the true person. You can see this if you’ve ever resented someone upon first meeting them, and then later realized you got the wrong idea.
  • You might end up talking about your own accomplishments more than is necessary. No one appreciates that.
  • You might criticize someone in public, trying to knock them down, often unfairly.

These aren’t good things. Let’s look at how to stop this phenomenon.

How to Break the Habit of Comparing Yourself With Others

Awareness

Most often we do these social comparisons without realizing we’re doing it. It’s a natural act, I suppose, and as a result it’s something that is done without consciousness. So the solution is to become conscious — bring these thoughts to the forefront of your consciousness by being on the lookout for them. If you focus on these thoughts for a few days, it gets much easier with practice, and soon it’ll be hard not to notice.

Stop comparing yourself to others

Once you realize you’re doing these comparisons, give yourself a pause. Don’t berate yourself or feel bad — just acknowledge the thought, and gently change focus.

Count your blessings

A better focus is on what you do have, on what you are already blessed with. Count what you have, not what you don’t. Think about how lucky you are to have what you have, to have the people in your life who care about you, to be alive at all.

Focus on your strengths

Instead of looking at your weaknesses, ask yourself what your strengths are. Celebrate them! Be proud of them. Don’t brag, but feel good about them and work on using them to your best advantage.

Be OK with imperfection

No one is perfect — intellectually, we all know that, but emotionally we seem to feel bad when we don’t reach perfection. You aren’t perfect and you never will be. I certainly am not, and I’ve learned to be OK with that. Sure, keep trying to improve, but don’t think you’ll ever be the “perfect person”. If you look at it in a different way, that imperfection is what makes you who you are, you already are perfect.

Don’t knock others down

Sometimes we try to criticize others just to make ourselves look or feel better. Taking someone else down for your benefit is destructive. It forms an enemy when you could be forming a friend. In the end, that hurts you as well. Instead, try to support others in their success — that will lead to more success on your part.

Focus on the journey

Don’t focus on how you rank in comparison to others — life is not a competition. It’s a journey. We are all on a journey, to find something, to become something, to learn, to create. That journey has nothing to do with how well other people are doing, or what they have. It has everything to do with what we want to do, and where we want to go. That’s all you need to worry about.

Learn to love enough

If you always want what others have, you will never have enough. You will always want more. That’s an endless cycle, and it will never lead to happiness. No matter how many clothes you buy, no matter how many houses you own (seven, in the case of one famous candidate), no matter how many fancy cars you acquire … you’ll never have enough. Instead, learn to realize that what you have is already enough. If you have shelter over your head, food on the table, clothes on your back, and people who love you, you are blessed. You have enough. Anything you have over and above that — and let’s admit that all of us reading this blog have more than that — is more than enough. Be good with that, and you’ll find contentment.

Article posted on www.zenhabits.net

Episode 01 : The status of Mothers in Islam

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This episode explores the status of mothers in Islam and why modern society under values mums. Listen now to Episode 01 : The status of Mothers in Islam
Here are some of the beautiful ayah and Hadith describing the blessed status of mothers in Islam.

The status of mothers in the Quran

1. “We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth” (46:15).
2. Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: ‘My Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood’ “(17:23-24).
3. “We have enjoined on man and woman kindness to parents; but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not'” (29:8).
4. “We have enjoined on man and woman (to be good) to his/her parents; show gratitude to Me and to thy parents; to Me is (thy final) Goal. If they (parents) strive to make thee join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not; yet bear them company in this life with justice (and consideration) and follow the way of those who turn to Me (in love)” (31:14-15).

Hadith about mothers

1. The Prophet Muhammad said, may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him: Your Heaven lies under the feet of your mother (Ahmad, Nasai).
2. A man came to the Prophet and said, ‘O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet said: Your mother. The man said, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man further asked, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man asked again, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your father. (Bukhari, Muslim).
3. Abu Usaid Saidi said: We were once sitting with Rasulullah when a man from the tribe of Salmah came and said to him: O Messenger of Allah! do my parents have rights over me even after they have died? And Rasulullah said: Yes. You must pray to Allah to bless them with His Forgiveness and Mercy, fulfill the promises they made to anyone, and respect their relations and their friends (Abu Dawud and Ibn Majah).
4. Abdullah ibn Amr related that the Messenger of Allah said: The major sins are to believe that Allah has partners, to disobey one’s parents, to commit murder, and to bear false witness (Bukhari, Muslim).
5. It is narrated by Asma bint Abu Bakr that during the treaty of Hudaibiyah, her mother, who was then pagan, came to see her from Makkah. Asma informed the Messenger of Allah of her arrival and also that she needed help. He said: Be good to your mother (Bukhari, Muslim).

Welcome to A Muslim Mom Podcast

By | Mothers in Islam, Muslim Podcast | One Comment

Welcome to A Muslim Mom Podcast

It’s been created just for Muslim Mummies. Farhat Amin looks at the messy intersection of life as a Muslim mummy and a Muslim entrepreneur. She explores the humanity that leads us as we grow, and fail, and adapt throughout every new season of being a Muslim Mother. In addition each episode is filled with tangible advice from fellow Muslim mums.

The voices of Muslim women

Often, the voices of Muslim women and Muslim mothers in particular are ignored. Muslim mums are expected to be cooking, be submissive and be quiet.

A Muslim Mom Podcast & blog is about helping Muslim mothers understand their identity through discussion and that it’s OK to be a Muslim Mom. Whether you choose to work, stay at home or a combination of both! It’s about our collective experiences as Muslim mums.

Your host

Hosted by Farhat Amin, a mother, writer, and Muslim businesswoman. You can shop for parenting resources over at www.farhatamin.com. Farhat Amin is passionate about Muslim moms being able to share aspects of their lives with the others. Experiences of, joy love and loss. Experiences that help a fellow mum find comfort and say ‘It’s OK, I don’t need to be a supermum! Inshallah, I just want to be able to be part of the wave that will help to nurture the next generation of happy confident Muslim kids.’

So, to all the hard working Muslim mothers out there trying to figure it out, you’re not alone. Motherhood is a blessing full of challenges and remember our beloved Prophet Muhammad (saw) said that ‘Paradise is at the feet of the mother’  (Nasai)

Where can you listen A Muslim Mom podcast?

Oh and there will be book reviews, giveaways, interviews and freebies of course! You can listen to A Muslim Mom podcast here or on Anchor, Apple Podcasts, Breaker, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, Overcast,